We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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