I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
