I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
