I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
