Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
