I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
wow bdsm is so cute
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
