It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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