Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
