U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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