YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
