Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
