I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
