Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
