i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
