Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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