His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
