No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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