Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
