Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So much rum. So many feels.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
