well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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