Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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