I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
