i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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