can we get nightvision for the apartment?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think a kid would responsible me up
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
