quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
