the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
