literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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