I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
