This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
