Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
