Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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