New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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