I hate all girls vehemently.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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