And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
