He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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