I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
