Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
