Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Someone stole a lamp last night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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