shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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