my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
