Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize