No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
