Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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