i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
