i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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