I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
