After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
