I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
