Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
