"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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