i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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