Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
