Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
