i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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