I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
