Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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