we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I fill condoms, not promises.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
