all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
