Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
