It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
