dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
