Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So vagazzling was a success
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
