I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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