I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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