My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
