I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
