Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
