What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize