we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
