Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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