have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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