I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize