I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
