I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
