we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
