The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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