You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
