I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
