Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
