its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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