So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
