Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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