I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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