Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
