How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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