We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
