??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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