I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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