my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
