Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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