I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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