Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
