yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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