If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
