just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize