He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
last night I used snow as a chaser
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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