I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
