you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
