Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize