around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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