The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
