I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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