Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
