I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
