Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
