Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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