three words: i give head
three words: not that well
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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