12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
